Tag Archives: Sticks & Stones

The Great Thief

I am convinced that there are many people in the world with great lives and they don’t realize it. From pop stars to politicians to presidents – they have it “all” and yet they can’t fully enjoy it.

Why? Because there is a thief running loose in their life and they don’t even realize they are being robbed.

You‘ve seen these people…

The athlete with the seven-figure income and countless endorsements isn’t happy because he hasn’t won the “ultimate” championship game.

The CEO whose company is in the Fortune 500, who owns a Mercedes 500, and box seats at the Daytona 500, but market share isn’t at 85% yet.

The actress with the best leading men and a long list of hit movies or plays but doesn’t have “the” award.

The thief is stealing their joy. Their satisfaction. Their contentment.

This thief, however, is not one that is limited just to the celebrities or corporate heroes of our time. Oh no. It can invade the lives of everyday people like you and me too.

The stay at home mom with three great kids who can’t see beyond the stained carpet and where the dog chewed the couch.

The supervisor with the wonderful team at the office, a nice home, and a good marriage but struggles everyday with anger or envy at the sight of the other supervisor pulling into the company parking lot in that new BMW.

The thief? Believe it or not, is what we choose to focus on.

When we focus on what we don’t have, or what we lack, or on situations that displease us, our thoughts get cloudy, our minds get murky and we fixate on what is “wrong” refusing to enjoy life until that is “fixed”. As a result we miss out on so many blessings because we are not really “seeing” them. We are looking at what we lack or focusing on what is “not right”.

The defense for this thief? Take nothing for granted and be thankful for everything. Learn to go through life with an attitude of gratitude and you have a security system that this thief cannot penetrate. You deserve to enjoy your great life!

Sticks & Stones

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“Sticks and stones may break your bones,

But words will never hurt you.”

I still remember very clearly the first time I heard those words. I had come running in from the bus stop where the bigger kids had been teasing me and calling me names. With tears streaming down my face, my dad had stooped down, pulled me into his arms, and shared that little poem with me.

But he was wrong.

Those words did hurt.

“Sticks and stones” is a mantra handed down from generation to generation, helping children deal with the sting of the big, cruel world and the nasty people they’ll inevitably encounter in it. Our hearts are in the right place in trying to help kids rationalize their hurt feelings, but the logic isn’t.

Words do hurt.

In fact, according to some research; emotional pain is processed in the same part of the brain as physical pain. And that emotional pain can result in something much worse than a broken bone.

You see, broken bones mend themselves, sometimes growing stronger than they were before the break, but harmful words can result in lifelong injury. They break our hearts, scratch our spirits, and dent our self-esteem, all of which is damage that may never fully heal.

Clearly, words matter.

They’re powerful.

And what matters most is how we use them. Do we use them like sticks and stones, to tear down, to destruct, and destroy? Or, do we use them to build up, encourage, and affirm?

Remember, what you say could make all the difference.

Check out more on “Sticks & Stones Exposed: The Power of Our Words” by Dave Weber.

Free Your Cares and be Carefree

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The older I get (the half century mark is approaching very fast and that older looking man in the mirror won’t leave me alone), the more I realize just how much “stuff” I tend to hold on to that really negatively impacts my quality of life. In fact, I am starting to feel more and more like Rocky in his last movie. Did you see it? I think it was called “Rocky 18”. Not really. It was “Rocky Balboa”.

In it, an aging Balboa is drawn back into the ring, as he puts it, “To get the ‘junk’ out of his gut.” You see Rocky had been holding on to some stuff in his life– cares and concerns that were dragging him down. And these cares were preventing him from moving forward and truly enjoying life.

I find the same thing happens to me if I am not careful. Here are 5 strategies I have learned to help me live with fewer cares and be more carefree:

Free your mind from worry. When we worry, we borrow cares and concerns from tomorrow and we drag them into today. Once we get them here, they just ruin our present.
Free your heart from hatred. This one is very similar to the first strategy only in the opposite direction. When we harbor anger, resentment, and bitterness toward someone for something that happened in our past, it is like handcuffing ourselves to them and pulling them around with us all the time so they can continue to ruin our present.
Free you life from complexity. Simplify. Look for things that can be pruned out of your life. Are you so busy doing all those “good things” that you are killing yourself? Cut some out.
Free yourself from greed. Many people tend to get caught up in two twin syndromes: the “get as much as I can” syndrome and the “hold on to it as long as I can” syndrome. When I fall prey to these two, I find myself going through life clutching tightly to all “my stuff “and worrying about it. Giving is a wonderful antidote to battle greed. It helps us take our eyes off ourselves and focus on helping others.
Free yourself from expecting perfection. To put it more simply, expect less. No one is perfect. People are going to mess up—including you. My bride is going to disappoint me…so are my kids…so are my colleagues at work…so is the gate agent at the airport and the kid washing my car. When we expect perfection, we can only be disappointed (or neutral at best). But when we don’t expect it and we get it…it’s GREAT!

Implement these strategies and set yourself up to live a life full of pleasant surprises…it is way more fun.

Be a Thermostat

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This has been a very different winter in Georgia. We have had more instances of snow than I can ever remember (and I have spent 40 winters here). It’s been very fun!

As a result, I have paid more attention to two very different tools than ever before: the thermostat and the thermometer. Honestly, I haven’t given these two tools much thought in my life. I always kind of put them in the same camp…you know, they have something to do with temperature. But in actuality they are quite different…almost opposites.

A thermometer is used to measure the temperature. To passively “observe and report”. To not interfere or influence.

But a thermostat is just the opposite. Rather than measure the temperature, a thermostat determines what it is going to be. Rather than passively “observe and report”, a thermostat actively engages and creates. Rather than stay in the background and not interfere or influence, a thermostat fully engages and influences.

Do you realize people have the same abilities as these two tools? We can sit back and measure everything that is going on around us and have no influence on the situation or we can get in there and make the changes that we want to see.

Reality Check: it is easier to be the thermometer, but much more rewarding to be the thermostat.

What is cool, though, is that we can be both!

Learn to “see” what is going on around you: the atmosphere at the kitchen table, the environment of the office, the climate of your relationships—this is being the thermometer. Then, if you don’t like what you measure, change it—this is being the thermostat.

Here are two questions to help you:

What kind of an environment would I like (in the office, home, relationship, etc.)?
What do I have to do or be to help move things in that direction?

HALT! Don’t Make that Bad Decision

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This past summer I was conducting a leadership retreat in North Georgia when one of the participants shared a principle that I found both very insightful, and personally, very applicable.

She said that there are times in everyone’s life when we are much more susceptible to making poor choices. If, however, we learn to recognize the warning signs, we can avoid following through on a bad decision.

The key, she said, is to remember the acronym HALT. If you are experiencing one of the four symptoms represented by the word HALT, then you need to do exactly what the acronym suggests…STOP! Don’t make a decision until you have dealt with the symptom.

The four “red flags” that are major contributors to bad decisions are when we’re feeling:

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

When one or more of these conditions exist, you are more likely to make a decision that you will later regret.