Tag Archives: Passion

Tis the Season…To Be a Frog Kisser!

With less than 10 days to go, I know that your Christmas to-do list is overflowing with the presents you have yet to buy and the outrageous number of parties you ought to attend. The LAST thing on your mind is trying to come up with a way to be kind to the office Grinch or neighborhood Scrooge. However,

Did you ever consider that the holidays are the easiest time to practice “ frog kissing”?

Frog Kissing Girl - Sticks and Stones Exposed by Dave Weber(By the way, if you don’t know what “frog kissing” is, I recommend you add my book, Sticks and Stones Exposed to your wish list.) A frog kisser is someone who intentionally chooses, through their words and actions, to support, encourage, and affirm those with whom they come in contact. I find the holidays to be one of the best times to develop your “frog kissing” skills for two reasons:

  1. The holidays occasionally bring out the frog in all of us. Between crowded malls, buzzing airports and hectic family get togethers, it’s enough to make the sanest among us want to shout “Bah, humbug!” In spite of all the seasonal cheer, most people are busy, stressed and tired. Now, more than any other time of the year, people need words of kindness, encouragement and positivity. View this as an opportunity, not an inconvenience, as you put a new habit into practice.
  2. The holidays also give us plenty of “kissable moments”—I’m not talking about anything that happens under the mistletoe, but rather about the parties, end-of-year reviews, and jam-packed social calendars that are perfect opportunities for you to be a “frog kisser.” Thank a grumpy co-worker for his assistance on a project at the office party. Compliment the festive decorations in a stressed-out teacher’s classroom. Take a moment to wish a TSA officer, grocery bagger, or restaurant server, “Happy Holidays.”

If your own heart is feeling two sizes too small this time of year, I’d challenge you to try “frog kissing” someone else. Aside from brightening their day, it continues to create a new habit in you—one of building others up, fostering teamwork and opening up channels of honest, productive communication. Who doesn’t want to work with, live with, promote, or hire someone with those qualities?

Put “frog kissing” into practice this month and you may have the people closest to you wondering if your attitude isn’t the result of a Christmas miracle!

How will you be “frog kissing” during the holidays?

Life Secret: Givers are Getters

I was visiting a friend in the hospital. I would love to tell you I was there because that’s just the kind of guy I am: one who visits others in the hospital, but that would be a lie. Truth be told, I had been having quite a pity party for myself. I had just lost my largest customer to a competitor, my retirement investments had taken a major hit in the market, I was worried about having to let some employees go in a bad economy, my car had logged 200,000 miles and was making funny noises, my son was developing a real attitude (and growing a Mohawk) – you get the idea.

While griping about all of this at a family gathering, my ever-wise mother-in-law looked me square in the eye and said, “David, sounds like you need to get your eyes off yourself.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Whenever I feel down, I just go and find somebody who is worse off than me, and I help them in some way,” she said. “You know what happens? My problems seem to shrink and I become very grateful for my blessings.”

Her words became the motivation to go to the hospital to visit a friend who was recovering from an illness. While I was there, a nurse came into the room and asked me to step out for a few minutes so she could take care of some tasks. I didn’t even want to know what that might entail – bedpans, bandages, and blood are all things I will gladly avoid.

So I began to roam the halls of the hospital. I wandered past the over-priced gift shop and meandered by the cafeteria. Eventually, I stumbled upon the interfaith chapel.

I pushed open the door, adorned with stained glass, and peeked inside. It was empty, so I stepped in. There was soft music playing, several rows of chairs, an altar with a kneeling pad, and a cross on the front wall with a table below it. On the table was a basket full of little cards upon which people had written their prayers.

Like a moth to light, I was drawn to the cards in the basket. I felt a little guilty as I picked one up, but I began to read it anyway: “If there is any way you can heal my baby, please, I beg you, do it.”

I picked up another: “Please take this away from my wife and give it to me.”

Card after card I read, my heart aching for people I would never know. Tears began to stream down my face as I continued to read. And then I came across a card I will never forget. Scrawled with a blue crayon were these words:

“Dear God, Please let Mommy live until Christmas. Love, Jenny”

My mother-in-law was right. Suddenly, I didn’t have any problems. I thought I had gone to the hospital to “help” someone else who was worse off than me, you know, to “give” of myself. And while my friend was touched that I had come to wish him well, I was the one who came away from the visit full. I received way more than I gave. That’s the secret that all givers know…in giving, you get.

Barriers Can Make You Better

I am writing these words on March 27th. For basketball fans across the country and around the world, March Madness is in full bloom. And with the field shrinking down to Sweet Sixteen, Elite Eight, and Final Four, this year’s tournament has been filled with surprises.

As it happens every year, there have been a number of great games go down to final shots. There have also been plenty of great story lines filled with upsets, bracket busters, and Cinderellas. On one end of the spectrum there has been lots of second-guessing, hand-wringing, and head-hanging. On the other end standing ovations, celebrations, and jubilation.

As each college basketball season comes to a close I am always reminded of the amazing feat accomplished by the UCLA Bruins during their unprecedented 10 NCAA Men’s Basketball Championships in 12 seasons from 1963 to 1975.

During that amazing run, UCLA had a number of truly great players but, arguably, the greatest was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (then known as Lew Alcindor). His athleticism and ability to dunk the basketball made him stand out like a man among boys on the court.

But between his sophomore and junior years at UCLA, the NCAA Rules Committee made a rule change that outlawed the dunk shot. It was widely believed that the committee had instituted this change with the single goal of lessening Abdul-Jabbar’s dominance during games.

At first, Kareem was devastated. He perceived this as a huge barrier to his success. A giant obstacle thrown in his path. But his coach challenged his perspective and told him to look at this barrier as a way to raise his game to a higher level. As he later wrote in his autobiography, Kareem:

“At the time, Coach Wooden told me it would only make me a better player, helping me develop a softer touch around the basket. This I could use to good advantage in the pros, where I could also, once again, use the dunk shot. He was right. It didn’t hurt me. I worked twice as hard at banking my shots off the glass, on turn-around jump shots, and on my hook. [This barrier] made me a better all-around player.”

Just as the “no dunk rule” barrier caused Kareem Abdul-Jabbar to develop more of his potential by forcing him to focus on other skills and abilities so too can barriers have the same impact on our lives.

Whether the barrier you face is new technology, a new competitor, a challenging student or an economic downturn, remember barriers can truly help us to become even better than we were before.

Exceed Normal Expectations

This is part 10 of a 12 part series that I call the 12 X’s of Leadership.

We have all heard the old phrase, “Never promise more than you can deliver and always deliver more than you promise”.  It is one of the first business quotes many of us learned when we got out first jobs. And there is a lot of truth to it.

It has to do with managing the expectations of others and then exceeding those expectations to leave them with a great experience and great feeling of working with you.

What is interesting to note is that exceeding normal expectations many times does not have to be a herculean effort on your part with gut wrenching upheaval in your life. It sometimes means just doing a little bit better.

For example, do you know what the difference is between a baseball player that hits .200 for his career, makes just enough money to cover food, and never leaves Single A division and a player with a career .300 batting average, making seven figures annually, and in the Hall of Fame? Just one hit in every ten tries!

When I encourage people to exceed normal expectations, I mean to simply focus on making little improvements all along the way…not necessarily huge life changing shifts.

It’s like a horse race. I went to the Kentucky Derby two years ago. Now, I am not sure how much prize money is actually awarded, but let’s just say the first place horse won a million dollars and the second place horse got a half million.

In order to get twice the reward did the first place horse have to run twice as fast? Did it have to run twice as far? Did it have to train twice as long? NO.

How much better did the first place horse have to be than the second place horse? Just a nose.

Is there room in your life today to be just a nose better than yesterday?

Got Passion?

My father taught me many great life principles. One of the best things about growing up in the home of a training consultant is that my Dad believed “if it will work at the kitchen table, it will work at the conference table” and he tried out many of his lessons on us before he introduced them to his corporate clients. Now, not everything he taught me was suitable for the workplace (belching at will comes to mind), but still many of the lessons I learned as a boy remain with me today.

Passion is one of those lessons. I can remember, like it was yesterday, my father telling me, “David, figure out what you love to do, and then figure out how to get paid to do it, and you will never work a day in your life.” I did not fully understand it as a boy, but I have seen it to be true the older I get.

I love being a speaker…I mean, I love it!!! I will never retire. People often ask me when I think I will come off the road and stop speaking … I tell them never! I mean why would I stop doing something I love only to try and fill my days doing things I don’t enjoy as much as speaking? That does not make sense to me. I am one of those in life who is truly doing what I was created to do…and, sadly, we are rare.

So, how ‘bout you? Do you love what you are doing? Do you wake up each day filled with anticipation of spending time doing that which you so enjoy? If not, why not?

This past week I met so many people who, in their 40s and 50s, have just now started doing that which “lights their fire”. These were mostly second or third career individuals who had left great jobs because they weren’t fulfilled. What did they move to…teaching! Not only are they happier, but their families are too. And get this, most of them took big paycuts as an added bonus!

Are their jobs perfect? No.
Is there a perfect job? No.

There are aspects of any job that don’t excite us. For me, I get tired of all the time I spend alone on the road, the frustrations of air travel, eating by myself in restaurants, and sleeping in strange beds just to name a few.

But the folks I have met recently seemed to be so fulfilled in their careers. I’ve met software engineers, military personnel, R & D scientists, and others who found themselves simply “going through the motions” of their daily life. It was refreshing to speak with them and see the excitement they now have for their work. One former high paid, big oil engineer said, “I enjoy trying to be a good teacher much more than not caring about being a good engineer.”

So, follow your passion and enjoy your work…you certainly spend a lot of time there. You deserve it!