Dave Weber challenges your communication style. To bring Dave Weber to your organization or for more information on “Leadership Redefined” or “Sticks and Stones Exposed: The Power of Our Words,” go to daveweber.com.
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The presents have been unwrapped, the turkey’s been devoured, the crazy relatives have been pushed out the door, and we are all sick and tired of eggnog and Christmas music. It’s time to make some New Year’s resolutions. While losing weight, hitting your sales goals, or quitting smoking are great goals for next year, I’d like to challenge you to make only one resolution in 2014—and unlike the resolutions mentioned earlier, this one has the potential to transform every aspect of your life—your career, your relationships, your dreams and your health. Are you ready for it??
This year, resolve to keep the main thing the main thing.
Whatever the main thing is for you—a career goal, a desire to invest in certain relationships, or a dream you’re chasing—keeping the main thing the main thing will minimize your distractions and focus your actions with the precision of a laser pointer.
For example, if my “main thing” is to be the best husband and father that I can be, I will be working hard to be a great provider for my family—but I’ll also be curbing my late nights at the office so that I can take my wife on a date or catch a movie with one of the kids. I will learn that talking to my daughter about her day might be more exciting than whatever’s being covered on SportsCenter, or that walking our two energetic dogs with my wife transforms a mundane task into an opportunity to spend time with her. Wanting to live a long, full life with my family motivates me to eat a little better and move a little more. It makes me a better listener, a more productive employee, and a more generous giver.
So as you think about your own resolutions, I hope you identify your main thing, and perhaps a few action steps that you can take in order to keep the main thing the main thing. May your 2014 be an exciting, successful year—but most of all, may it be the year when you begin to make progress on purpose.
How would your tweets change if you thought 140 characters had the power to alter your future?
A few weeks ago, I read the most fascinating article in the New York Times. With the explosion of social networking, more college admissions view applicants’ Facebook pages and Twitter feeds as a part—officially or unofficially–of their review, which is causing some students to lose the opportunity of attending the college of their dreams. While this may be new to the world of college admissions, businesses have been screening job applicants’ social media usage for years. I’ve been amazed at the capacity for decent, polite, and respectful people to log on to the Internet and spew negative, hateful, and just plain mean speech. I shudder to think what my 18-year-old self might have said if I had that kind of social platform in my formative years.
Social media is a great way to stay abreast of current events, keep in touch, and find links to thought-provoking articles and blogs (cough, cough). But even 140 characters can be wielded to tear down someone else’s reputation, and as this article observes, unintentionally damage your own image.
In my book Sticks and Stones Exposed, I talk a lot about the power of positive uplifting words. After reading the Times piece, I wonder what would have happened if the admissions officers had seen positive words on the applicant’s social media feed—encouragement to a fellow student, excitement for a campus visit, gratitude to a coach or a teacher. Likewise, if a hiring manager searched for an applicant’s blog and discovered insightful business posts or Facebook shout-outs thanking colleagues for their contributions to a big project. You see, in addition to inspiring others around us, positive words reveal what we can contribute to a group—be it a professional organization or a college campus. Positive words are the hallmark of the inquisitive mind, the team player, and the great collaborator. Which are exactly the kind of students universities want to accept, and later, the kind of professionals companies are clamoring to hire.
You may not be a “leader” in you business, school, or community, but you can be a leader to others in the way you conduct yourself online. Instead of tearing people down, laugh at yourself. Rather than complaining, share something that you’re thankful for. Your influence and attitude online has the ability to move you closer to achieving your goals or abandoning them—140 characters at a time.
Commentary on NYT Article “They Loved Your GPA then they Saw Your Tweets” and the power of words.
Have you ever heard of Norman Vincent Peale? This Ohio-born preacher became one of the most influential clergymen of the 20th century, and even if his name doesn’t ring a bell, the title of the most popular of his dozens of books surely will: The Power of Positive Thinking. Published in 1952, the book is one of the all-time-bestselling self-help guides out there, with more than 20 million copies sold in 40-plus languages.
A well-circulated anecdote about Peale involves a man who phoned him one day, deeply depressed and looking for help. Peale invited the man to his office for a chat, during which the man told him he had nothing to live for anymore.
Peale smiled sympathetically at the distraught man sitting before him. “Let’s take a look at your situation,” he said, taking out a sheet of paper and drawing a line down the middle of the paper. He told the man on the left side they would list the things he’d lost in his life, and on the right, the things he had remaining.
“We won’t need that column on the right,” the man said. “There’s nothing in my life left to live for.”
So Peale asked the man when his wife left him. “She hasn’t left me,” the man replied, a bit taken aback. “Somehow, she still loves me.”
“Well, that’s a good start – ‘Wife Not Left,’” Peale wrote in the right-hand column. “Now, tell me, when did your children go to jail?”
“What?” the man asked, surprised. “My children aren’t in jail!”
“Great!” Peale replied, making more notes. “Then we’ve got another addition for things you haven’t lost – ‘Children Not in Jail.’”
After a few more questions along those lines, the man finally saw Peale’s point and even allowed a small smile. He said to Peale: “It’s funny how things change when you think of them that way.”
Learn to re-frame how you look at various situations and it is amazing to see how your perspective can change.
We’ve all been there: Working or interacting on a regular basis with someone who always seems to suck everyone around them into a vortex of negativity. The tension, the underlying nasty currents, the whole vibe of the office, meeting, conference call, dinner table, wherever – just seems to shift the wrong way whenever they’re around. It’s like they bring a black cloud with them that darkens the atmosphere around them, too.
And over the past decade, scientific research has supported what everyone who’s ever regularly been in the presence of such a person has known in their gut: That emotions and attitudes are contagious – especially bad ones.
When we simply stand back and put up with negative environments or atmospheres and the behaviors that can cause them to flourish, whether that involves unprofessionalism or racism or rudeness, it’s on us to take a stand. To react. To speak up. To do or say something to address and fix (or start addressing and fixing) the problem.
But I don’t like to rock the boat!, you may be thinking. I don’t want to be a tattletale or part of office politics!
Fine. But don’t expect for things to change much, either. Why? Because you get what you tolerate.
If we do not try to influence a negative situation to make it better, we’ll keep getting what we’ve been getting. This concept doesn’t just apply to the workplace, either. You get what you tolerate in all aspects of life: marriages, relationships with children and other family members, friendships.
Here’s the key: Recognize the difference between thinking I want things to change and I want to change things. The difference is you – playing an active not a passive role.
